Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Dealing with an Interfering In-Law before You Turn into an Outlaw


The troublesome mother-in-law is well known as the bane of any young family's blissful relationship. When it comes to situations regarding finances, bringing up the kids, or maybe even general day to day living, there always seems to be arguments between you and the 'in-laws'. Mother-in-laws seem to have a habit of thinking that their opinion is just as important, or more so than your partners, when that really isn't the case. Naturally they care about the happiness of their extended family, but rarely know the full details of the situation " and sometimes shouldn't shed their opinion.

There are certain times to laugh these disagreements off, but for the remaining no-laughter circumstances when lines have been crossed, how do we keep our composure while making our point?

If you have analyzed the situation, and have a valid argument (not just hitting back because you were insulted), you should stand your ground. List your reasoning in a calm and diplomatic way. Coming out and saying what needs to be said will show others how you feel towards the subject. Remember though, it isn't likely to change their opinions, simply because they have been opposed. The end goal should be mutual understanding about each persons feelings.

Keeping quiet and appearing wishy-washy shows youve not decided on your opinion or are too timid. This gives them room to add more unwanted comments. If you havent made a decision on an issue, thank them for their opinion and let them know youre still doing your own thinking on the matter.

Even seemingly positive comments from an in-law can have hidden meaning. What they say may sound constructive, but has a hint of underlying sarcasm you know is aimed at something else. If these types of situation are not diffused, they can lead to nasty arguments that could be avoided.

Use diplomacy at all times. Be the better person, and refuse to sink to the levels of reciprocal insulting (remember, the comment may not have been intended to insult in the first place). If you know for sure that the remark was definitely intended to hurt you, there are two choices you can follow: first, don't allow the offender to take any satisfaction from what they said. Do this by trying your hardest not to react at all. Second, just tell them that you didn't appreciate the way they put it, and hope they weren't trying to undermine you. Never get angry.

Make sure to politely tell them that although the idea they are suggesting may have worked for their situation, it doesn't mean it is applicable to yours. Show them that you're trying your best, and do not think any method will be better than what you're already doing.

Whichever route you decide to take, bare in mind that it's always better to diffuse the situation by sitting down and being honest, than it is shouting at each other.

Tina Love is the resident editor of the relationship section at Schmoozins - an online magazine for women that gives all women a voice. Join us as a contributor, schmoozer or just hang out a while.


Orignal From: Dealing with an Interfering In-Law before You Turn into an Outlaw

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